Since I started blogging 3 years ago, the whole blogging world has changed completely, and you know what it was changing before I even joined. From a small corner of the Internet where mostly anonymous writers would talk about their life in detail to now what is an industry, where people consider it their job and make money from under their duvets typing on a laptop about everything and anything.
When I first started blogging I knew nothing about pr companies, blogging events, page views, bots, trolls, spammers and seo. I just wanted some place I could write down my thoughts on my makeup and beauty obsession because I knew my family and friends were literally bored to death of my constant ramblings.
It was my place to relish in all things beauty, share my thoughts, justify my spending and just to get away from everyday life. I kept it quiet for a good while, sharing it only on twitter and Instagram where people I did not know followed me. As my blog grew, so did my confidence and I finally shared it on my other social media platforms where I had not only blogger friends but people I knew for years. To my suprise it was perceived well and I wondered why I ever worried about it.
Before I started my blog, I only ever read one blog, I never knew about the international or even the ever growing Irish community. When I became involved in it my blog reading list grew and I tried to read as many blogs as possible especially all the Irish ones I knew of, always trying to keep up with the flood of bloggers starting up.
I have been lucky enough to be invited to a good few pr events and I was always so astonished that I was even invited. It's no secret that my blog never had a massive following, so to be invited to events where I rubbed shoulders with bloggers who had thousands of followers was incredible to me.
So where did it all change, well that fear of not been accepted came back but not from those close around me but actually from the some of the blogging community( I say some because 95% of them are amazing and genuinely the most welcoming people I know) and pr companies.
Blogs all of a sudden had become the in thing and blogs that were constantly growing seemed to lack in content yet all I could see everyday was their Instagram/twitter been flooded with pr samples. These blogs gave glowing reviews of literally everything received yet lacked in necessary components that I looked for in blog posts. It was if everything that they received was a holy grail item. I struggled some days to find posts that actually didn't set to please and actually gave in depth and honest reviews. Something that I always try to provide on my blog. From this I actually doubted my own blog, did the readers want me to up my content but lack honesty, because by what the statistics show of readers following blogs this was it.
I was shunned by a few pr companies and brands, some because I am not known enough by them, one or two brands because I have worked for their companies and they know that from my experience I do not have the highest opinion of them and their practices. There are also a few including an Irish brand because I did not write about as soon as everyone else did.(No one told me there was a time limit). This whole thing of sending in your page views and bounce rate and returning visits really got to me, I really am a firm believer in quality rather then quantity.
With this grew my lack of confidence, so when I got trolled on my last YouTube video over my choice of lip color and how I spoke I literally felt like giving the fuck up and forgetting it all. And I honestly did, I have not posted a YouTube video since even though I adore it. I gave up outfit of the days after readers commented that they were happy to see a girl of larger proportions sharing ootd, they were actually paying me compliments, but in my head I saw it as been called fat.
Finally I met a handful of bloggers who have in blatant terms become stuck up their own arseholes over the past few years, they who were once part of our ever loving, supportive community have now decided that we are two small now to fit into their ever growing heads as their views and readers/subscribers grow. I recently met a blogger that was honestly shocked that I had been around for so long because they had never heard of me or my blog/YouTube, and made a comment that maybe I should just forget it all as I did not grow as much them in the time span we had been around.
I also felt confined in my blog, I started to want to include different aspects of my life from personal issues I have dealt with, to other things I enjoyed from gaming to cooking. This overwhelming feeling of nobody wants to read this and the fact I had become consumed with numbers and statistics and I completely forgot why I started in the first place.
So I gave up I stopped writing all together, I put my camera and tripod away in a box and stopped with something that made me happy for a few years. I let companies down with reviews and refused event invitations and I let my readers down and I stepped back from my social media and my amazing blogger community of friends . I stopped involving myself in #bblogger and #irishbblogger conversations. I most of all let myself down because I let things that are so trivial get to me and my passion. I let the fear of not been good enough and not looking perfect get in the way of something I enjoyed so much. I let words and actions hurt me.
By taking that step back and giving myself a few months, things became a lot clearer. This fear of not being good enough disappeared from the support of friends and family and of course my ever supportive partner. I stopped caring what people thought and remembered why I actually fell in love with blogging in the first place.
I also read a blog post from GEMSMAQUILLAGE . She made me see that I was not the only one who had these feelings about blogging and actually gave me the push to to actually consider getting back into it.
So I sat down and wrote out a plan that if I was going to do it then I wanted to change a few things, improve stuff and vary what I wrote about. I also wrote down the pro and cons and there was one pro that made it seem all worth it.
The blogger community
These lovely females who have come into my life and have been so supportive of everyone, no matter where you come from, how you look or how many views you have. Your accepted no matter what. I might not see them that often but I know their only a tweet away. When I went to Anita's blogger meet up the other week, I finally realised that I still wanted to be apart of it and I thank her for still including me in the invite as I had been so quiet for so long.
There are so many other bloggers that have been supportive but you think I can locate pictures of us, NOPE! so here are some honorable mentions:
@totalmakeupadd
@girlfriday_bb
@GlamourNazi
@AllMadeUp21
I am probably forgetting a few so do not scald me but I adore you all equally and thank you for having me in your community.
So welcome to my blog it's been here a while and will be here a good while longer. Expect honest reviews and ramblings about not only beauty but my life. If it's not for you then that's ok because there's an x in the top corner and I am sure you know how to use it. I am here for me and for those who want to read my blog.
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